Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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