Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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