I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
