So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so that wasnt chicken after all
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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