is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
