? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Screwed.edu
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
