This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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