remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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