I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
