Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
