Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
my liver is dry heaving
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
