What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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