Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she peed on how many people?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
