He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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