He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
