Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
