i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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