i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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