trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
