hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
