there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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