My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize