im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
