Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
