So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
