I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize