If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
