He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
