I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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