Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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