I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
