ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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