I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
