i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
