hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
