I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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