is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize