i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
