Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
