I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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