just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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