totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
