tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
