Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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