his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
