I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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