new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
