We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
