well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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