maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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