I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
