i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
