do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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