Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
