My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
