Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize