I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i dont even know how to be here
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
