Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
