I cannot find my penis.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
