There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
