I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
