Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
