just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
