but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
