He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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