I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
