All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just google imaged poop.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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