If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
