the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
