remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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