And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
