I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
