It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
