please come you make the beer taste better
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
