I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
