grandma shit on top of the toilet
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
