Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize