My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
