Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
His hands were made for my vagina.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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