Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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