I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize